sad

I've been having a hard time dealing lately. I've done really good ignoring how much it hurts not having my family involved in my life.  I don't usually let it get to me but it's been difficult today.  I think maybe if they knew how bad it hurts they would be there. I feel pretty alone at times.  It breaks my heart.  It's sad when you sit and stare at pictures of your family until you cry because you miss them and you know they don't want anything to do with you.  I know I've mad a lot of mistakes in my life and hurt people along the way but I'm different now.  I have changed so much in the passed year and a half.  I wish they would take the time of day to get to know me again. I feel like it's wrong to turn your back on someone when they need you the most.  I feel horrible.  I don't even know what I'm going to do for the holidays.  I can't stop crying.  I see pictures of them and they are all happy and together.  They don't even realize that I'm gone. When I can't stop missing them. No one gives me the time of day. So what am I supposed to do?  This is getting too hard. I need them in my life right now.