Cows go moo..No shit sherlock.

I absolutely love being random and wierd. haha It makes me smile and if people have a problem with it they can go fornicate themselves with a steel rod.  I just thinkg the people that mind dont matter and the people that matter dont mind.  Good saying eh.  I stole it from someone but Im not sure who at the moment but I like it.  Good saying eh.  Okay! Well..well..well.  I really like myself.  I think Im a genuinly good, caring, and kind person.  I love doing random sweet things for people as well.  It makes me smile. :D <--wasnt kidding.  So life has been pretty good lately.  I got a serving job at bucks and it's going quite swell so far.  Even though Ive only worked one shift.  Im very optimistic about it. :P  Today is just wonderful.  I have no Idea why Im in such a good mood it makes me chipper.  I also just had a smoke break with blake and dana..who are two of my favorite people ever.  Blake was being a cock sucker...in a good way tho.  He made me laugh like nobodys business.  I like our sarcastic relationship.  We pick on eachother non stop but I luuurb it.  God Im a fag.  Anywho... I just got some news that my man thingy has to work now until 8 in the morning...17 hours.  GAY... I just want to sleep next to him and cuddle. (sorry paul for the use of the word gay.. I mean it in the nicest non anti homo way possible)  Looks like tonight is gonna be a ME night and catch up on some much needed R&R.  That's exciting..kind of.  Who knows...something is bound to happen. My life is so unpredictable.  I could end up in alaska for all i know.  I really hope not but theres really no telling the way my life goes.  As long as it's not the middle east or africa.  I will be fine. I think.  Well theres part of my crazy wonderful life today wrapped in a nutshell?.. yes i did put a question mark because I am not sure if that sentance made any sense what so ever..  haha Alright well its time to cause some chao somewhere else...thats whats uuuuuuuuuuuuuuup  <3 batman

Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned.---

As I pace slowly back and forth this cold dark room; reality begins to sink in further.  This wound that has slowly mended itself together over the passed year feels as if it's slowly beginning to rip open. Only more so this time.  This aching in my chest and the anxiety that's beginning to grow. Is almost overwhelming. I can hide it easily though. As my life experiences have tought me not to show my weakness. Not even if I'm alone. I can't let myself completely feel it or I will lose my mind.  I thought time would make things easier but I feel myself slowly regressing back to my original state.  It's been a year now. It's gone by so fast.  It still feels like yesterday to me when I was next to your bedside watching life escape your lips.  I almost feel stupid. I wonder to myself if I should even feel this way.  I don't know.  I thought I had come to terms with the fact that you were gone. I thought I had let go.  I guess I havn't.  These pictures that scatter my floor of you and I haunt me. Your face haunts me.  How I so longingly wish you would jump out of the picture and hold me.  It's what I need but it's dumb to dwell on.  As I wrap myself up in the blanket you gave to me I slip slowly into a state of numbness.  I feel empty. Nothing on this earth could bring me comfort.  I hold on dearly to the last words you spoke to me. I play them over and over in my head.  I can still hear your voice in my head telling me you love me.  It stings but it's all I have left for some form of comfort. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I can only hope and pray as time tries to fade the memmories. That it will get better.  The feelings of grief and sorry will drift to the back and I will be ok with out you.  Until then, I will play your kind words over in my head, hide my pain and try to live in the memory of your love. 

Isaac Johnson--The devil reincarnate--aka SATAN

I usually don't name drop in my blogs because most of the things and people I write about I want to be a little private BUT in this case I will make an exception.  So, Isaac Johnson is my ex boyfriend of 5 years.  I finally and completely ended it about a month.  We were on and off for about 3 years.  He's a fagget.  I honestly have never disliked someone so much in my life.  He was perfect when we first met.  The sweetest and most caring guy I had ever met.  Our first 2 years of our relationship was like a fairytale.  The third year however, was when everything went to hell and Isaac became SATAN.  He cheated on me multiple times with nasty crack whores, starting brainwashing me, abused me, and beat my self confidence level up horribly.  We would try make things work then they would fall apart because of him being psychotic but I would always go back.  this happened about 5 times in this 3 year period.  i thought he would change I prayed he would change. Did he change?  FUCK NO!  He is so obsessed with himself and thinks he is gods gift to the world.  I dont know what happened to him. Maybe his rising success with his tattooing business.  I do not fucking know.  All I kow is if I ever see him again it will be too soon.  He changed me, he made me someone I wasnt.  I am so glad he is not apart of my life anymore.  I'd rather be a crazy old cat lady that chasing kids of her lawn with a broom.  Then stuck in a relationship with that ass ramming little boy fucker.  He still bothers me from time to time but I have an awesome support system.  My guy friends watch out for me when he's anywhere near by.  They would destroy him if he ever touched me again.  Why cant he just vanish from existance already and go back to the fiery pit where he belongs.  I'd honestly rather date hitler and that is really saying something.  I figured if a guy I had just met can make me happier in a day than Isaac had in 3 years.  He was not worth my time anymore and other obvious reasons of course.  I just wanted to let you all know how horrible of a person he is.  STAY AWAY FROM HIM...he will eat your soul with a smile on his face.
Things that I Hate About Isaac Johnson--
he looks like a girl
he wears girl jeans
he's ugly inside and out
he is always high
he thinks he's amazing in bed..he's not.  My vibrator is better
thinks he's gods gife to women
has a funny shaped body
is the biggest lying douchefuck in the world
bipolar as fuck
he is GAY..literally

Not interesting..my boring life today

I think I might like josh a little more than I had thought I did.  I can't stop thinking about him.  He's gone for the weekend and I miss him soo much.  Is that pathetic?  I feel like it is.  He has guard this weekend. :/  Uffda.  So life has bee pretty iteresting lately.  haha I had an awesome St. Patty's day!  I got hammered.  I looked pretty fricken hott too. lol  I feel like I need to write because I have this consuming feeling of sadness. I cant really tell what it is right at the moment.  It could quite possibly be that Im letting myself have feelings for someone.  I'm really scared to be quite honest.  I'm worried that he is going to hurt me.  I know everyone feers that but I more so than others.  It always happens like that to me. I finally let my walls down and that's when the guy decided to rip my heart out.  I really hope that doesnt happen.  Josh is a really good guy.  He's very guarded and doesnt talk about his feeling much but I think I know how he feels by the way he acts towards me. I wonder if he is thiking of me too. Hope so!  My thoughts are so clusterfucked so forgive me if I keep radomly switching subjects. like right now I really want a chocolate chip muffin because I can smell pourpoura making them. OMG.. I just dont want to gain weight.  Ive also been tanning for the passed month.  Im getting a really nice glow going on right now and I like it!  Okay Im not really sure what more I want to write. So, I might just bounce on out of here.

The sun is shining and I want to slap a hippo.

I am batman. I hope Its not hat big of a deal when i see shiny objects that throw my world into the river.  When fish swim the owls kick babies and Im sure if this shake doesn't freeze my brain the mail man will deliver aids.  It's almost to perfect how my table undressed my stapler with an obvious amount of vicadin. I feel as if I'm in a hut and the carpet says hello charlie. If I wasn't so sure I wasn't crazy my finger would walk to the supermarket and twist the silly putty into an odd habit. Can you believe that I'm writing about such random bacon to entertain my lack of motorola buns. I might have issues but this piece of paper is talking in french and I forgot the number to starbucks. You all want to get to know me better in the tank of freedom that surpasses the will the lick innocent lamps that hold the answer. Life isnt about carving pumkins with tulips but rather how where the red fern plants its heart. I'm probably not making any sense to you but I think if you want to breed with giraffes the president would throw his mallet at a heard of crying cantalope. It takes only a minute to understand the logic of such bright socks that slide through the glass with a hard chip. Please dont judge me when I tell you I love to rant about inanimate tucans in there underwhere it seems funny this feeling inside.  I want to tell you more about lines in the office over the rainbow but my time is being cut short by frequent buzzing of large morons with picnik baskets covering there head. They cant hear us but in time the darkness will follow the leader and the moon will jump to china.
I love to watch scary movies and this banana is old.  I'm thinking about the starving children in africa and monkey crossed the road.  i have to leave you now with this odd sense of who's giong to pass the gravy and why did jennifer meet my nanny. I hope you have a wonderful day and the life of the toad doesnt gobble up your need for crouching tiger hidden dragon.  <3 tia

This is Sparta

100 likes

1. Dancing ridiculously
2. My family <3
3. My close friends
4. Drinkin until the wee hours of the night
5. hugs
6. kisses on the hand and forhead :D
7. Falling asleep in somebody's arms
8. Waking up next to someone
9. long walks during the evening in the summertime
10. Food fights
11. Falling asleep during a thunderstorm
12. The smell when you wake up early in the summer to a beautiful day
13. The colors of the leaves in the fall
14. My grandma's cooking
15.  mudding
16. Finding ridiculously entertaining things to do at my resort (golfcart spinning)
17. When My brother sister and I hang out at the point, laugh and smoke.
18. looking up at the stars
19. laying at the point at night..thinking about life
20. My dads hugs
21. When my grandpa calls me "tia mia" or "poohbut" lol :D
22. falling in love
23.  water lilys
24. fishing off the paddleboat
25. tubing
26. watching sad love movies by myself and crying
27. getting my hair done
28. body massages!
29. investigating things
30. playing with babies
31. cuddling my dog
32. Watching supernatural
33. When my mom tries to be funny.
34. staying up late
35. Eating toast in the morning
36. Coffee
37. red velvet cake!!!!!
38. Halloween
39. drinking a cold beer on a hott day
40. hockey
41. kissing in the rain
42. CANADA
43. finding that one pair of pants that make your ass look good
44. Having a "skinny day"
45. talking in accents
46. daydreaming about the future
47. being a hopeless romantic
48. vampires
49. cheesie pickup lines haha
50. Going out to eat
51. being a rebel
52. embarassing people
53. shocking people
54. proving people wrong
55. s&m
56. Peanut M&M's
57. Working out
58. people that smile a lot
59. smiling
60. Making someones day better
61. mowing the lawn
62. taking  naps in hammocks
63. baby deer
64. penguins
65. Rock Music
66. Random roadtrips
67. Random anything
68. Chocolate chip cookies
69. Bright blue eyes
70. tattoos
71. Karma biting your ex in the ass!
72. Seeing your ex dating someone ugly
73. Getting into a hott shower
74. tan lines
75. swimming underwater
76. hanging with the guys
77. Getting through hard times
78. being succesfull on my own
79. Getting icecream
80. Making fun of gabe
81. Laughing until you cry
82. singing obnoxiously to myself
83. air guitar
84. Listening to people play guitar
85. Comming home to a clean apartment
86. random acts of kindness
87. makeup
88. guys that ride bikes (motorcycles,crochrockets)
89. booze cruisin
90. Acting like a redneck
91. Gravel roads
92. waves
93. My dad telling me he's proud of me
94. diet pepsi
95. sleepin in the nude
96. debating and proving people wrong
97. being a free bird
98. claw machines
99. knocking on peoples door and then running away
100. my teddy bear Mr. V

100 dislikes

1. being lonely
2. wishing my grandma was still here to play with my hair until I fell asleep
3. my grandmas cooking
4. The smell of my grandma coffee,cigarettes, toast, and flowers. the perfect combo
5. Not seeing my family for a long time :(
6. Losing people
7. getting angry for no reason
8. being frustrated
9. spiders that want to eat your soul
10. crazy ex boyfriends
11. mean people
12. being hit
13. crying yourself to sleep
14. Having to always be the strong one
15. being scared to fall in love
16. drugs
17. Players
18. Sluts
19. attention whores
20. black olives!! sick
21. being forced to do somethiing i dont want to
22. working long hours everyday
23. ignorance
24. lowered honda ridgelines
 25. ANY lowerd pickup
26. Fags trying to play fast and the furious
27. tools
28. People who judge too quickly
29. losing anything
30. being late
31. suuuupper cold weather
32. the middle east
33.stubbing your toe
34. Wanting someone you cant have
35. not knowing how someone feels about you
36. job searching
37. screaming kids
38. backstabbin hos
39. Losing touch with close friends
40. having a "fat day"
41. one week out of the month
42. gum on the bottom of your shoe
43. Swallowing a bug
44. ego bruises
45. running into poles
46. Naked fat people
47. Foot fetishes
48. greesy hair
49. People hurting someone I care about
50. unoriginal thinkers
51. Cheaters
52. liars
53. Guys that dont shave...im talking osaba bin ladins beard down south.  Thats just un american
54. hangovers
55. Car accidents
56. missing a concert
57. rug burn
58. sunburns
59. When my dad yells at me...fucking scary
60. Meeting the boyfriends parents.
61. Getting out of bed
62. getting out of the shower..its flippin cold
63. Staining a brand new shirt
64. That I smoke
65. matching socks..
66.butt dialing people
67. People who don't reply back to your texts and you know they got it
68. Chaos eaters
69 DRAMA
70. Akward moments
71. The letter N key on my laptop that keeps popping off....fuck you
72. Uptight retards
73. hurting someone
74. being hurt by someone
75. expired milk
76. chipped nail polish
77.locking my keys in my vehicle..so not ok
78.  underwear
79. pastels
80. People who smell,,,take.A.shower
81.bad kissers
82.  screaming kids at the mall with flutes
83.  Moving
84. Saying goodbye
85. warm beer
86. dry skin
87. hairy legs
88. going to court
89.  Icy roads
90. vehicle troubles
91. being indecisive
92. drunk guys hitting on me
93. annoying statuses on facebook
94. my mom living so far away from me
95. woodticks
96. stalkers
97. people that try to hard
98. ant gay people
99. over microwaving food
100. starting my hair on fire

I was just really bored and decided to list my first 100 likes and dislikes that popped into my head.  Enjoy.

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.

For quite awhile now I've had the mentality that every guy that I encounter is an asshole/player and I needed to play the game twice as good.  I shut my heart off and would never let myself get too wrapped up in somebody. I also did it for some sick kind of revenge on the opposite sex.  I thought I would get pleasure making some guy fall for me, use him, and then throw him away like he was garbage.  The way I had been treated by every guy I had ever been with.  I was sick of being walked on because of how nice and caring I was. It was time for me to be the heartless one. The truth is.  That is not who I really am.  I know I was scared to let anyone in because my hearts been ripped to pieces so many times but what I was doing was, in the long run hurting me more.
   It wasn't up until about a week ago I met someone who changed my mind completely.  One of my guy friends that I hadnt seen in awhile was walking passed my place of work in the mall.  He stopped to talk with one of his friends that I had never met befor.  They kindly invited me out to the bar that night.  I accepted because I hadn't done anything in awhile being so busy with work and all.  I found out that they lived right next to me. Which was way to perfect.  Later on that evening I went over to there apartment befor the bar.  When I walked in there "he" was.  I had seen him a few times around town the passed year and always thought he was cute.  It was one of those things where you see them and think to yourself  "oh, he's cute but I will probly never see or talk to him." but still you really wanted to.  I was kind of off put and started getting shy/quiet.  Usually I'm the loud and outgoing one but he made me feel like I had to act perfect.  Wierd right?  We flirted a little bit but I did that with all my guy friends so it wasn't like it was a huge deal.  A few beers, shots, and a bucket of long island ice tea later. We hooked up obviously.  I was pretty drunk and it had gotten to be more like a routine for me anyways.  So, it really wasn't a suprise and I felt no shame.  It was until the next morning that everything changed.  I woke up in his arms and it felt good.  I didn't want to throw my clothes on and run out of there as fast as possible.  I wanted to stay but unfortunately I did have to work. So, I left and carried on my wayward.  I was positive that he wasn't going to text me after that.  After all he was a guy and one of his friends even told me he was a player.  So, I just thought of it as another notch on my belt and no big deal.  I did catch myself thinking about him a lot which was quite unusual for me.  Then out of nowhere he texted me.  All he said was how are you and how is your day going but it made me way too happy.  Why did he care I thought.  I kept trying to tell myself that I was letting myself feel too much already and just act heartless but it was hard.  I did want to see him and hang out with him but I wouldn't let myself. Until wednesday, when he invited me again to go out to a movie and then to the bars.  I pretended not to get the text and accidentally fell asleep. I woke up and realized I really wanted to go see him.  So, I got ready and went and hung out with gabe for awhile and then she dropped me off outside.  There he was waiting to escort me in.  I thought that was pretty cute.  He was all over me the whole night.  Touching me the way people usually do when they are together.  It felt wierd.  I didn't want it but at the same time I craved it.  I had a lot of fun that night dancing with random people and drinking.  I thought for sure he was going to be mad I was dancing on stage or that I was dancing with guys but he wasn't.  Which was also a shocker.  I was so used to isaac being extremely jealous and not letting me be myself that it was quite refreshing and only made me like him more.  We hooked up again that night.  We layed there in the morning and talked for a bit until I had to go to work again.  He was just too damn sweet.  I kept thinking "How could he be a player when he's treating me better than anyone has in my life."  I started hanging out with him a little more.  I even told him myself that I didn't get attached to people and that I was quite the player myself but I don't think he believed me.  I wasn't sure if i believed myself anymore.  I just said that because it made me feel like i wasnt putting my heart out there to get hurt.  I finally admitted to him that I did have feelings after slipping up a few times and him making fun of me.  I knew he seen right through my fake exterior. 
   I don't know this guy very well but I came across a realization last night that I really do like him a lot.  Even though I have only known him for a short while.  He's sweet and I enjoy his company.  I'm not saying that I'm gonna jump right in to a relationship or anything.  I'm just strangely ok with having feelings for someone and them knowing it now.  He might turn out to be a complete asshole I don't know. But. It is definately worth the risk.
   The reason why I'm writing about this story is because I have had a personal epiphany about life and love.  I've spent so long being guarded and pretending that I don't have feelings.  I know now that I might have kept all the bad things from happening to me but also with that, the good things weren't able to penetrate the walll that I had built.  I'm not afraid anymore.  I want to wear my heart on my sleeve and be the caring and loving person that I always have been.  I have a huge heart and so much to offer someone.  I want to try.  I don't want to regret letting the good things escape my life.  I know I might get hurt and I know that not everything is going to be perfect but it's better then giving up completely.  Life is way too short to let something good slip away.
would you really want to live?
Love makes life so confusing, but without love