tia is crazy

I've been lost in my mind the passed couple of days.  I can't pinpoint exactly what's been bothering me.  I don't even know how I feel right now.  Everything is going just fine in my life. Nothing bad has happened.  I'm very frustrated.  I feel like I need a friend.  One that isn't in love with me or only cares about their issues.  Ryan is a great friend but I feel like I need someone who understands the person I used to be.  If that makes any sense at all.  One thing that has been bothering me is my relationship with Ryan.  It's going good.  I just feel like things are off.  I don't know if that makes sense either.  Maybe I'm trying to talk myself out of it again.  I don't know.  What I do know is that I feel like he could do so much better. So it's like I'm waiting for him to realize this and leave.  I know this has a lot to do with my past relationship but maybe he was right too.  I just want to cry because it's like this horrible feeling in my stomach that I know something  bad will happen.  I try to be positive but it's still there.  I have this weird feeling that I need to run away.  My friend is moving to chicago in the fall and I feel like I should go but Ryan is what is holding me back.  I couldn't leave him but I feel like I should.  See what I mean...my though process is all fucked up.  It even shows in my writing.  Ooofda.