The sweet escape is always laced with a familiar taste of poison..

When I seen him walking towards me. I could tell something was wrong.  He didn't have that usual sparkle in his big blue eyes.  He told me she found out and that he had to get his act together or he would lose everything.  I understood him completely.  What we were doing was wrong and it was hurting me too.  So, we went for our usual cigarette.  He also told me that he was put in the hospital on suicide watch.  A tear came to my eye but I quickly blamed it on the cold wind that also felt like it was ripping right through me.  I felt horrible. I just wanted to reach out and hold him. I told him I was there for him if he needed someone to talk because he looked like he was hurting something awful.  As we walked back inside we said our goodbyes.  When he said he'd see me just for the occasional smoke break with our friends. As I said goodbye and gave him a gentle wave.  I felt my heart break and rise into my throat.  I didn't understand this feeling. I'd only known him a month. Why did it feel like everything had gotten taken away from me.  I felt the same as I had 2 years ago when Isaac broke up with me.  but he was a boyfriend of 5 years. So, the pain was understandable then.  Why was I feeling this much. Too much.  I went into the backroom turned on the song a table away and was quickly taken over by my emotions.  Tears flooded my eyes. I sat on the floor and just cried.  It was horrible.  I realize I really like this guy.  More than like.  I think I love him.  I'm a zombie right now and I don't know what to do because I can't really do anything.  I can't just be his friend.  It would hurt even more.  Why does love have to be so cruel?  I already miss him.  His soft lips and kind eyes.  I can't imagine my life without it.  This just sickens me.  There better be a damn good reason why this is happening or I will never love again.  Fuck love...