i'm an idiot

I just turned 21 exactly a week ago today and It's been one rough week.  I knew when I turned 21 I would be partying more but this? Fuck.  Today I realized I need to pull my act together or everything I've worked so hard for this passed year would be lost.  I feel like crap.  I've done more stupid shit in the passed week. Then I have this entire year.  I'm so over alcohol.  It ruins great things and peoples lives.  It's not even worth it sometimes.  I have this friend. More like best friends. We've known eachother our entire lives.  She can be quite a bad influence on me.  I know I make my own choices but she doesnt help pushing me in the right direction.  I love her to death, she is like my sister but the trouble we've been getting ourself into isn't worth it.  I feel like a horribble person.  I also realized this whole thing I have going on with a married man is fucking stupid as well.  I have my ex boyfriend who loves me more than anything and I can't  believe I was willing to throw that away for someone who only wants sex from me.  I hope my ex can forgive me for all of the hell I have put him through.  I am going to change for good and I won't fall back into the same pattern. I won't!  From here on out I will be working to achieve something that's not destructive to my life.  Wish me luck..