Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned.---

As I pace slowly back and forth this cold dark room; reality begins to sink in further.  This wound that has slowly mended itself together over the passed year feels as if it's slowly beginning to rip open. Only more so this time.  This aching in my chest and the anxiety that's beginning to grow. Is almost overwhelming. I can hide it easily though. As my life experiences have tought me not to show my weakness. Not even if I'm alone. I can't let myself completely feel it or I will lose my mind.  I thought time would make things easier but I feel myself slowly regressing back to my original state.  It's been a year now. It's gone by so fast.  It still feels like yesterday to me when I was next to your bedside watching life escape your lips.  I almost feel stupid. I wonder to myself if I should even feel this way.  I don't know.  I thought I had come to terms with the fact that you were gone. I thought I had let go.  I guess I havn't.  These pictures that scatter my floor of you and I haunt me. Your face haunts me.  How I so longingly wish you would jump out of the picture and hold me.  It's what I need but it's dumb to dwell on.  As I wrap myself up in the blanket you gave to me I slip slowly into a state of numbness.  I feel empty. Nothing on this earth could bring me comfort.  I hold on dearly to the last words you spoke to me. I play them over and over in my head.  I can still hear your voice in my head telling me you love me.  It stings but it's all I have left for some form of comfort. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I can only hope and pray as time tries to fade the memmories. That it will get better.  The feelings of grief and sorry will drift to the back and I will be ok with out you.  Until then, I will play your kind words over in my head, hide my pain and try to live in the memory of your love.