Not interesting..my boring life today

I think I might like josh a little more than I had thought I did.  I can't stop thinking about him.  He's gone for the weekend and I miss him soo much.  Is that pathetic?  I feel like it is.  He has guard this weekend. :/  Uffda.  So life has bee pretty iteresting lately.  haha I had an awesome St. Patty's day!  I got hammered.  I looked pretty fricken hott too. lol  I feel like I need to write because I have this consuming feeling of sadness. I cant really tell what it is right at the moment.  It could quite possibly be that Im letting myself have feelings for someone.  I'm really scared to be quite honest.  I'm worried that he is going to hurt me.  I know everyone feers that but I more so than others.  It always happens like that to me. I finally let my walls down and that's when the guy decided to rip my heart out.  I really hope that doesnt happen.  Josh is a really good guy.  He's very guarded and doesnt talk about his feeling much but I think I know how he feels by the way he acts towards me. I wonder if he is thiking of me too. Hope so!  My thoughts are so clusterfucked so forgive me if I keep radomly switching subjects. like right now I really want a chocolate chip muffin because I can smell pourpoura making them. OMG.. I just dont want to gain weight.  Ive also been tanning for the passed month.  Im getting a really nice glow going on right now and I like it!  Okay Im not really sure what more I want to write. So, I might just bounce on out of here.