I might just dissapear

A lot has been going on in my life lately.  It seems as though the past 3 months have been a blur. I have been drinking almost everyday.  I might have one night out of the week that Im not drinking.  It's been rough.  I have had quite a few amazing nights but it is slowly ripping the person I am apart.  It's gotten out of control and I dont even know myself anymore.  Everything seems to be falling apart and slipping away.  I am slowly self destructing.  I had a wakeup call 2 days ago.  I woke up and I wanted to die.  I felt like I had nothing to live for.  It was the scariest feeling ever.  I just wanted to give up.  I had been ignoring my family for over 2 months.  It was mostly because I was ashamed of my actions.  I have been so lonely and depressed the passed 3 months.  When I drink I am happy that's why I have to constantly have alcohol in my system.  BUT.. I am done with it.  I cant do it anymore.  Not only is my life falling apart my body is too.  Im sick all the time and I have gained 10 lbs from all the alcohol.  I had a huge heart to heart with my stepmom and she is going to help me through this.  I am going to see a therapist 3 times this week.  For some intense help.  Im happy that we talked I felt so cut off from my family. 
  Another thing that has been happening is that I keep meeting all these guys that I think are awesome and they are all turning out to be complete douchebags.  i mean im sure my drinking has a little to do with it but still.  They lie they're ass off to me and then stop talking to me. Im so over dating or even trying to like someone.  I need to fix myself first befor I even think about a guy.  Its just hard because I get so lonely.  :(  The next month im putting myself through some intense rehab for my life.  I will be going back on this diet and I plan on losing atleast 15 lbs in the next month.  Im gonna work my ass of literally.  I need to get the old me back.  The happier and better version of me.  i will be writing my progress in here often.  later