Peace of mind

It's been a long time since I've been able to have feelings.  I almost thought I was incapable of having them. I thought that I had some switch that was busted making it unable for me to really care for someone.  Ever since my relationship with Isaac.  I havn't been able to be with anyone else.  I thought it might be because him and I were meant to be together. So, there was no possible way to let someone else in without losing him.  I really thought Isaac was perfect and perfect for me but as I think more about why I hold on to him I realize this isn't the case.  He was my first love.  He was the first person I let in completely and he took care of me.  I have never connected with someone on that level.  I was so comfortable with him and he was everything to me.  That's what your first love is.  I know now that it doesn't necessarily mean we were or are meant to be.  Although I will always care tremendously for him.  I'm ready to let him go.  I have been seeing this guy for about a month now and he is amazing.  He is everything any girl could hope a guy could be.  He is sweet, caring, and most of all excepts me for me.  I do love being around him a lot and I broke it off about a week ago because I was scared.  I was scared that I would hurt him because I wouldn't be able to care for him like he cares for me.  I was wrong.  I found myself thinking about him more than usual and wishing I was with him.  I actually have feelings for him which is so weird to me.  I usually just pretend I do or try make myself believe I like them but with this guy it's a little different.  I enjoy his company. I'm not saying that we are going to be together forever or even for a long time.  It's just nice being able to feel for someone and care about them.  For instance i was thinking about doing something really sweet for him because he's been studying his ass off and working a lot.  That's not like me.  Usually I just don't give a crap.  lol  I realize now how much I enjoy caring for someone instead of wishing I was with someone who didn't want me the way I want them.  this guy likes me back.  I dont know why because I'm a little...okay...ALOT a bit crazy. haha  No, but I'm definately a unique character.  It's just nice to be wanted and not in a sexual way.  I think he really cares about me too; which is nice for a change. :)  I'm so over being the crazy girl who is heartless and only cares about herself.  I don't want to be a sex toy and I don't want people to think of me that way anymore.  I never really did but my actions speak pretty loud for themselves.  I'm excited to see what happens in the near future.  I'm ready to be serious and settle down a bit.  It feels good.